Sleep Strategies for Adopted Children

Hey, you guys! Last night I was up for hours. Again. Starting at 2am. Again. This is wearing me pretty thin. But somehow I just keep getting fatter. Anyway, last night while I was up I got desperate and decided to make the most of my time. Jude and I sat down in the dark and got as quiet as we could. Then we logged on, I whipped out my credit card, and impatiently waited for a miracle cure to my child's sleep issues.

This has happened before. To me, twice. But if you have children, I bet you've been there. Lack of sleep can beat you down, mess with your mind, mess with your days and your moods. And the chasing of those hours can make you crazy. And that's where I was last night. I went loco the night before, but last night I decided to get down to business. This usually follows the post partum freak-out haircut (check).

With my oldest, he nursed to sleep and we pretty much slept together. Not particularly restful for me. But he would not respond to any kind of plans we tried. Abby took to 'cry it out' super fast and easy. She would fuss for about a minute and then out like a light. That was so cool. Jude is totally random. I can't see a pattern and I'm super confused because we've jumped in at 9 months. I don't even remember how many naps he should be having. And on a side note, I apparently totally forgot what 9 month old babies eat! Y'all, we've been feeding him liquid pureed fruits and veggies. I hit up Babycenter this morning and see that other parents are giving their children his age things like scrambled eggs, Cheerios, and cut up tiny bits of chicken and vegetables. He seemed pretty glad that we cut the crap on the baby food today and gave him some real food.

Ok, back to sleep. Well, adopted children have some interesting issues that can complicate bedtime. Fear of the night, fear of isolation, fear of abandonment... All of this and a million other unknowns make bedtime tricky business. So I took this webinar at 2 am. The good doctor basically said forget cry it out for now. But I bet you already had a sneaking suspicion about that. You'll need a couple of months under your belt, at least. After that he gives his blessing in a modified manner if attachment during the daytime is going well. Basically the prescription goes hand in hand with every morbid suggestion and post that I read about cocooning. I kind of hate cocooning. It sort of feels like house arrest. But today I started loving it because it's my ticket to sleep. Apparently the more predictable our day is, the sooner, the better and harder he'll sleep at night. So I rigged up an order of operations and started implementing it. Sleep, diaper, soft play, meal, crazy play/outside time, babywearing, bottle, bed. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. The more boring I am, the less stressed out he is. With older kids he suggests even having photos or cards telling kids what's next.

There were a ton of practical- yes, actually practical, tidbits of advice that might help you along. Definitely worth a listen if you're walking the floor with me all night!

Normally this is the part of the post where I'd show you a peacefully slumbering Jude but I'm scared as crap to click the camera while he's sleeping. I'll just have to tattoo it into my brain. Instead I'll leave you with this one. I commissioned Flor Larios, my favorite artist, to paint a picture of me and Jude. I can't even tell you how much I love it. And it really puts a sweet angle to the whole 'carrying baby around all  day thing'.

Week 2

Hey guys,

So we're at the two full weeks home and I thought I'd give you the pros and cons play by play. So here we go:

PROS

• I'm getting the hang of how to get three kids out the door in the morning. Will has to go to school at the precise moment that Abby wakes up and Jude gets sleepy for his first nap. That's tricky, peeps, but I'm making it happen. 
• I hired a maid. Yes, I did. At least for a while. I feel out of control with my house such a wreck and I'm just staring at it, housebound, holding a baby. I actually chased her down the street when she stuck a card on my door. "Come back! Please, help me!!!" I really said that. I bet she doesn't come back next week. 
• Jude is getting more comfortable with me and the kids. He still prefers Brandon (who got a bonus week in Ethiopia before he came home), but he's starting to light up for me a little. 

CONS

• The honeymoon phase of fun is over. We're back to the business of laundry and dishes and child rearing and I'm really exhausted.
• I can't really complain about anything. Because I begged and pleaded and went public and fundraised and everything else. I can't tell the world that this is really hard. Maybe they are watching me and want to adopt. I don't want to say "No, you totally should, it's just that it's really hard." But it kind of is. Because on many levels he's instantly mine and we love each other already. And on the other hand, we just properly met two weeks ago and don't really know each other all that well. Sometimes he just gets upset and will stop letting me comfort him. He won't look at me. I'll try and talk and rock and coo and be sweet, but if he gets in a sad mood, he won't look at me. It breaks my heart that he won't let me help him. He's still grieving and he doesn't even have the words to express it. So that's the hard. 

But the good is really good. It's just that the hard is really hard. Does that make sense? I actually totally don't want to complain on here all the time because I'm still thankful. I'm still having fun most of the time. I actually love my life as mom of three (especially when I work a kink out). But I do promise you that this is one place that we'll be super honest because people really do need to know the whole truth of adoption to be able to make the right decision. So the truth of week two is the goods are better and the bads are worse. These things take time, and I'm honored and blessed to be chosen to be their mom. 

You guys have a great weekend!!!

His Boogers Are Mine Now

Hey guys,

I know this is a super weird post because my mind works in a weird way, but I told you I'd share the ins and outs of this whole process, so here ya go.

We met Jude a few months ago. In pictures, he was adorable. Our friends who had met him said he was happy and cute. We painted our own picture of what our life would be like with him here. We named him Jude because we could say it, and we knew no one would know how to pronounce Tegegn. We called him that to our friends and family and to each other. He had kind of an imaginary persona over here. The same as we did with our bios. We picked their names, their 'styles', their favorite animals, and guessed about their personality before they ever made their debut. Anyhoo, when we got to Ethiopia he was quiet and calm. I instantly felt like I adored him; that was easy and effortless. But you don't really get a chance to know each other  in front of other adoptive families, nannies, and guides. It's a tad awkward. Fun and interesting in it's own way, but way different. Anyway, we're there in the transition home and I'm cooing and rocking and all that cheesy mama stuff and as I'm staring at him I notice that he has a massive ball of earwax in his ear. It's gross, man. Browny-orange and gigantic. My first instinct is "gross, I want that out of there". But my fingers can't touch it. It was foreign and weird and repulsive. It bothered me that that was my response. I thought this would be perfectly natural, actually. I left the ear blob where it was and decided that he'd get a solid ear cleaning when he got home, complete with Q-tips.

Fast forward a few months, and my husband meets me at the airport with our brand new bundle. We head home to start our life together. Again, he feels instantly mine, like he's been here forever... until diaper time. His weenie (we say weenie around here, people, because I'm immature like that) is uncircumcised and I've never seen one like this. It freaked me out a bit. His poop was super stank. I gagged when cleaning it. I dreaded diaper changes because everything that came out of his body was kind of like a reminder that he was a stranger. I love my kids, and of course I love your kids (they are darling), and don't tell anybody this, but I don't much care for other people's kids. It's just how I'm built. I started to panic a little thinking maybe he would always feel like someone else's kid. But the only time I felt like that was when he started oozing from various locations. And this really bothered and scared me.

So I prayed a freaky prayer.

Lord, please oh please, let me learn to love every leaking bit of him. Sooner than later. His weenie freaks me out and his poop smells so weird. Please let me see his gross stuff as part of the fabulous package that is Jude and love it all just like the little people that came out of my own body.

And wouldn't you know it, the Lord still answers my most ridiculous prayers just to relate to me in my own language. Sometimes I am amazed. I could feel that God knew that I was struggling with this last little hurdle that would make him feel like mine to me, and he answered it. By the next day I was able to wipe his snot with my bare fingers and wipe it on my jeans just like a good mama. It's safe to say his boogers are mine now, the poop too. He's starting to smell like my perfume and my skin and his skin and his fancy Target hair oil all mixed up together to make his very own smell (that I love). And I am now the proud owner of that bizarre compulsion to pick crusty stuff off of my new baby.

And Then There Were Three

Hey guys,

So I'm writing from the trenches of Week 1 post adoption! Woo hoo! Mission accomplished. Now on to the real work...

So now I've got three kids instead of two. Just for the record, I adore my oldest two, but for the purposes of this adoption blog, you'll mostly be hearing about Jude. Don't think I'm totally ignoring the others, and you'll still see them from time to time, but I'm figuring that most people want to see the picture of life after adoption around here.

OK, so back to that "now there are three" thing... Whoa! Three is way more than two. Just one more, technically, but it feels like I need at least six more arms. Everyday that he's here he's wanting to be held more and more, which is really a great thing. And you guys know that I'm always going to be perfectly honest with you, so here goes. At first I only wanted to hold him. Like all the time. Now I've got to do laundry. And dishes. And meals! I'm starving right now and I just don't see when my next meal is going to happen. Abby just ate goldfish for breakfast. (Sidenote: My madre is on her way right now to help me figure out what in the world I can make ahead of time for breakfast. Mornings are chaos.)

The house is messy! Really messy and it's been frustrating for me to hold him and watch the house go into crazytown. But I'm trying to remember that the real work is bonding with Jude. I keep telling myself that. And on one hand that's really easy and fun to do, and on the other hand I feel irresponsible for letting the house get out of hand. BUT it's where we're at right now. A peaceful house is not necessarily clean, and a clean house is not necessarily peaceful, right? Better focus on the peace.

Having Jude home is both easier and harder than I ever dreamed. I thought adding one to the mix would be not so hard, but we're outnumbered now and it's starting to show. On the easier side, he's an angel, really. The best baby I've ever met. He's absolutely joyful most of the time. He sleeps pretty alright at night. He's pretty amazing. And adorable to boot. He's attaching as well as could be expected. He loves us already. He fits right in. But you can tell he misses his home and his nannies sometimes. Mostly when he wakes up, and it breaks my heart for him. But overall, a good, but BUSY first week!