I’ve been surprised at the amount of conversations I’ve had
with people who say things like, “We would love to adopt but we just don’t have
that kind of money.”
Apparently, you don’t know me. Up until I was 24, I thought
credit cards were made for my own personal enjoyment and when I figured out
that you actually had to pay that money back, I married a youth pastor.
Here is a little insight: No one has “that kind of money”.
Well, someone does.
Bill Gates.
But if you aren’t Bill Gates, or someone in that money
zipcode, you don’t typically just have $30-40,000 lying around for a rainy day.
The cost of adoption is ridiculous. This is not a myth.
The bigger tragedy, however, are children living without
families because adoption is expensive.
The truth of the matter is…
IF YOU HAVE THE HEART TO ADOPT THEN YOU CAN ADOPT!
I am taking huge liberties here, but I would say one of the
top reasons why people don’t adopt (even if they feel called to) is because of
the money issue.
When Erik and I started our adoption process, with our net
worth being somewhere far in the negative thousands territory, we were 3 months
into a David Ramsey money makeover. There was a part in the book that we were
reading that said something along the lines of this…
“Nowhere in the Bible does God call us into a purpose and
use debt as a means to accomplish it.”
And so, since we were committed to our new lifestyle
changes, we made a promise.
ADOPT WITHOUT DEBT.
After 1 ½ years, $42,000, and part-way through 2 different
adoptions, we have remained debt-free from our adoption process. Did you hear
that?
Debt free.
And let me tell you now, this is NOT a reflection of our
awesome money-saving, penny-pinching abilities. We walked into adoption with
$42 in our bank account. This has been through a lot of hard work, a lot of
supportive people, a lot of great resources, and a lot of prayer.
So, is this even possible? Just because we are doing it, can
you? YES!!!
Here are a few of the biggest things that have helped us
along the way, that I thought I’d pass on to anyone out there who, like myself,
worries, frets, or looses sleep over adoption costs.
1. Get Committed!
No, not psych ward
committed. (Although there are days where I feel that is a valid option). Make
the commitment with your partner or support network that you are going to go
forward debt-free. These days, there are a lot of options out there like
Adoption Loans or Credit Card deals that make that “safe” option appealing. And
sometimes, it is necessary. But, if you can commit to it from the beginning,
having that accountability is clutch when you get those phone calls that tell
you that you have an unknown $7,000 adoption bill that needs to be paid in 4
weeks.
After our “commitment”, a great friend of mine suggested
this book to me. And it is AMAZING!! It kind of makes you feel like you can
take over the world, which you sometimes need to feel when you are walking
through the adoption process. She has TONS of great resources and ideas for
fundraisers, grants, and resources. It took me all of like 1 hour to read
(which is saying a lot). It is well worth the $12 on Amazon.
3. Get Connected!
Probably the #1 greatest thing that you can do during your
adoption process is to get connected. Connect with other adoptive families,
your friends and family, your church body, your yoga class, whoever! It is totally
your family’s discretion as to how much you choose to share or not share about
your adoption. Some people are willing to be far more open than others, and
that is fine. But start off knowing that you can’t do it alone. And you
shouldn’t do it alone. Adoption is a hard journey and the more people you allow
into your journey, the more arms and hands you have to hold you up when you are
miles down the road and exhausted!
We have found one of the most effective ways to do this is
through our blog. It has been an incredible resource not just for us to connect
with others, but for others to join our journey! If you aren’t “tech-savy”, ask
someone who is to get you set up. That is the hardest part.
But really…just yesterday I asked Erik how to search for
directions on Googlemaps. So, if I can, you can.
If you don’t feel like that is your family’s cup-o-tea, set
up a group email and keep your friends and family updated. It is surprising how
many people really DO want to know how the process is going! And if your family
is anything like mine, not updating them will just beckon multiple phone calls
on the daily.
4. Get Creative!
There are probably a billion and one things that you can do
to raise money for your adoption. The book I mentioned earlier is a great tool
for that. But sometimes, you have to be willing to think outside of the box to
bring attention to those things. We have done several handfuls of fundraisers
and found that making videos to grab people’s attention has been one of the
biggest tools in helping us raise money! Peeps LOVE their media, and as soon as
we started making small video updates, people started sharing, new people
joined the cause, and fundraising became even more fun and more successful!
5. Get to Workin!
Fundraising and Debt-Free adoption is hard work. It doesn’t
come just by sitting around clickin’ buttons. I have taken on several freelance
jobs, as well as started up an entire photography business to help support our
adoption. We don’t expect to sit around and just wait for people to pour out
money on us or “make it rain” as the young folks would say. But I have found
that even in my extra jobs, people have supported above and beyond what they
have needed to give. They want to get behind us and help us bring our children
home. So even just talking about our adoption on a photo shoot or when I’m
working with clients has opened up the doors to new and more business.
I realize that not everyone has time for extra jobs. But you
can always make it work around what you can and can’t do (i.e. offering to
watch somone’s kids a couple times a week for pay if you are a
stay-at-home-mom, doing yard work for your neighbors on weekends if you work
during the week, helping someone set up a blog if you are a tech-kind-person).
Basically think, “How would I make money if I was in high school again?” Even
those little amounts of extra cash are useful for Homestudy doctor’s
appointments or fingerprints!
6. Get Granted!
Grants are amazing! We’ve have be awarded grants with
several places – anywhere from $500-$5,000. There are a ton of great Grants
that can be applied for (Show Hope, Abba Fund, God’s Grace, Lifesong, etc.) and
all it takes is a little bit of time and a stamped envelope. Most Grant
applications ask the same questions, so you can even cut down on time by typing
out your answers and recycling them through each application. We made a date
night out of it one evening and powered through a few applications. It was
basically like a 2 for 1 deal! Nothing more romantic than a glass of wine and
an essay about your desire to adopt.
7. Get to Prayin’.
The whole adoption journey is really a big faith journey. I
whole-heartedly believe that adoption is biblical and a reflection of the heart
of God. Invite Him to be at the center of your journey and keep Him at the
front of everything you do. So even when it is really hard, we’ve stopped
looking at the dollar sign in front of us and started focusing of Christ before
us. He is basically like the most hardcore warrior ever and I’ve come to learn
quickly that He doesn’t loose. Keeping every part of this journey covered in
prayer keeps your perspective in the right place.
Ok. Wow. That is so much info.
But here is the deal. I’ve learned to take a giant dose of
humility when it comes to adoption.
1.
It’s about more than just me. It is about an
orphaned child becoming a part of a family.
2.
I can’t do it alone. We’ve had to depend of more
people than I probably would have ever thought or hoped to.
3.
You have to ask for help. (That is a hard one
for me.)
4.
God is in control. (Even harder for me…I’m a
huge control freak.)
Someone asked Erik one time if we ever get tired of asking
for money. (Quite a bold question if you ask me.) He is kind of a rockstar and
responded with this…
“If your child was half-way across the world and you were
trying to get them home, wouldn’t you do whatever it takes?”
Will you?
So if you, or anyone you know, have ever been scared off by
the dollar signs or multiple zeros tossed around in the adoption conversation,
know this…
It is more than possible. It is necessary.
Take it from a commoner.
Love,
Jessa
