Hey guys! We're so excited to have Jenn from Pure and Lasting guest posting for us today. Ethics in adoption is a hot topic right now, as it should be-these are lives we're dealing with and ethics should not be taken lightly. If you've been hurt by an agency who was not ethically sound we want you to know we're sorry, we're sorry you were deceived. We feel the need to shed light on these topics because they're important and ultimately could effect adoptions as a whole. So sit back and get to know Jenn and her heart on the topic! She gives us some great things to look for when choosing your agency.
Just four months ago, we came home with
our gorgeously sweet and spunky daughter, Maya. It was a long wait, but one I
am so grateful for. We want adoptions in Ethiopia to be ethical and safe for
children and their birth families. Our personal timeline doesn’t matter. What
matters is the process being regulated, with integrity and with the outcome
being focused on the children.
When we began our adoption process in
2010, there were many things I thought I knew about adoption. It has been
nearly 3 years since we applied to adopt, in that time, my viewpoint of
adoption has changed tremendously. I have talked to many adoptive parents, read
countless blog posts, joined yahoo groups, visited Ethiopia and Rwanda and
soaked in every piece of information that I could get my hands on. My eyes have
been opened a bit wider. One thing I know for sure, adoption is complicated. It
is brokenness, wealth, poverty, and passion with a huge helping of good
intentions. All the while, the precious lives of children hang in the balance.
CHOOSING AN AGENCY
As
adoptive parents, we don't know the ins and outs of all the systems, it is why
we hire an adoption agency. An adoption agency is our lifeline. We place all of
our trust in them, so choosing your agency is the most important decision that
any adoptive parent will make. All agencies are not created equal. Choosing an
agency is not simply choosing which rental car you want to drive to the desired
destination. It is more like choosing a safari guide to show you the way
through a dangerous jungle. Your agency is responsible for the way in which
your child is found or relinquished. They choose to search (or not to search)
for birth parents and extended family. They choose patience and truth or speed
and mistakes. Choosing an agency is not a time for compromise or impatience.
Choosing
your agency is vitally important to an ethical adoption process. As parents, we
are the financially funding behind all adoption agencies. We must refuse to be
a part of the problem by financially supporting agencies who do not go above
and beyond for the safety of the children. No matter how tempting it may be, we
must look at the big picture when you are waiting (and I know waiting!).
Unethical dealings breed more and more danger to the children. Our priority
must be ethics, not quick referrals. The US and Ethiopian government have been
increasing the requirements, refining the process, closing down orphanages and
entire regions of Ethiopia to adoption. Proving orphan status and processing
cases with Ethiopian government and the US Embassy are difficult, as they
should be. Don’t know where to start? Here are some questions to ask before
choosing an agency.
QUESTIONS TO ASK AGENCY
1.
Is the agency licensed in Ethiopia? If not, why not? Were they denied? There
are checks and balances and being licensed is one of those. An agency that puts
ethics first, will go through the effort of being licensed. For a list of
agencies who are licensed in Ethiopia, scroll to the bottom of this page (note:This list isn't completely up to date. Research the agency to confirm that their registration is current.)
2.
Does the non-licensed agency partner with an agency that is licensed? If so,
research the parent/”umbrella” agency as well. The power lies on the adoption
agency that has the license. But again, you would want to be working with an
agency that IS licensed.
3.
Too good to be true. There is a long wait time at 95% of the agencies and all
of the sudden you find one ready to match you with a child today? Why is that?
If something sounds too good to be true, it almost always is. Fast referrals
means cutting corners on paperwork or referring children before they have done
an investigation. This almost means that families will lose referrals and have
an extended and stressful process after referral. Research, ask, evaluate and
be willing to stop when red flags appear.
4.
Is the agency willing to bend rules, give referrals that other agencies would
not give, make exceptions? Although it may seem great that they will overlook
an age requirement or refer two, young, unrelated infants, other agencies are
not doing those things for good reason. Make sure that in your requests for
special treatment the agency is still looking out for the best interest of the
child(ren) first and foremost, respecting the birth family and following the
guidelines of the sending country.
5.
Does the agency give quick referrals? As in, the child has not been in the
agency's custody long enough for them to have fully research the situation, the
birth family and all domestic options for the child. Are they looking for
babies for their waiting families or are they finding families for children who
truly need them? It takes months to do a proper investigation of a child's
situation, especially if that child was abandoned. The Ethiopian government
requires that a child be a resident in an orphanage for three months before
being available for adoption. If an agency is regularly giving quick referrals
of young, “abandoned” infants, that is a red flag.
6.
Are they HAGUE accredited? If not, is it because they were rejected? If so,
what are the reasons they were rejected for accreditation?
Doing a proper investigation is a
time-consuming process. Some children are relinquished, while others are
abandoned. The agency has to research the situation. They need to know how this
child came into the custody of an orphanage and if the person who brought the
child there had the legal right to do that. This makes the wait to be matched
with a child longer. But it is all necessary. We were happy to wait, knowing
that everything possible has been done to protect each child and ensure an
ethical adoption. One day, we will be looking onto Maya’s eyes and telling her
the story of how she came to be in our family. We want to be able to do that with
a clear conscience, knowing that we did everything to cherish her past and her
future.
