A Story You've Got to Know

This one is amazing. OK, so I'm catching on that the Olympics are sometime kind of soon, yeah? I'm not really much of an athlete or anything, and I don't really follow it most of the time. Sorry. So I really couldn't name a single athlete competing in the upcoming Olympics. Besides one that I learned yesterday. Lopez Lomong.

Lopez Lomong is an American olympian, a runner. He's originally from South Sudan, was kidnapped during a church service and forced to become a child soldier, escaped and ran to Kenya where he was rounded up with thousands of other 'Lost Boys', brought to America, and adopted as a teenager. Whoa.

So that's his amazing story. Here's some links for you:

A beautiful and inspiring blog post he wrote for world vision

His book, Running for my Life

His Charity, 4 South Sudan

Brothers and Sisters in Adoption

Buenos dias, you guys. Remember when I told you I'd be taking a few webinars? Well, yesterday I took an awesome one that should become available to you today or tomorrow and I totally recommend you take it. It was about how typical brothers and sisters (meaning any well adjusted child in your home) can help with the adoption, how to cope with upsets, and what to expect as possibilities.

If you have a child older than 5 I'd suggest taking the class to listen to the whole hour. I took a few notes and here's some little tidbits that I took away with me. (*please remember that well adjusted, healthy kids exist in the adoption world, but they don't make great seminar material, so don't freak out too much at the scary possibilities. they are real, but they are only possibilities.)

• The biggie rule of the whole seminar is to MAKE TIME FOR EVERYONE. I know you don't have time. But your only job in life this year is to spend time with every member of your household every day, even if it's just for a few minutes. Nothing else matters. Soccer doesn't matter. Coffee with your girlfriend doesn't matter. Your blog doesn't matter. Some suggestions included taking a typical child out of school for half a day to go for ice cream. Or stagger bedtimes so that everyone gets a personal goodnight. We started implementing that one last night and my oldest loves it already. Bonus, he slept in an extra half hour today too. 

• Expect the adopted child to act younger than their chronological age. Neglect, trauma, institutionalization, and malnutrition play a part in stunting various bits of their growth. The teacher gave an example of an 8 year old with the coping skills of a 3 year old. You know how 3 year olds are kinda mean? Yeah, they are. Look at my little 3 year old. 

I know you'd never believe it by looking at her, but sometimes she throws fits. Wailing, hitting anything within arms reach, throwing toys across the room. Well, imagine an 8 year old doing that. So there were some ideas on how to protect the others during tantrums, like having a safe spot that they can play while the adopted child works out a tantrum. 

• Sharing rooms - believe me, this one was a little sad for me... She recommended (probably pretty wisely) that new kid doesn't need to share a room with the others for a while after they get home. I have total fantasies of the double girl room for Abs and her new sister. Visions of them jumping on their coordinating, but not matching beds... But, it's not suggested until we understand the nature and personality of the new child. Some are sexually active at shockingly young age (at no fault of their own, of course), but still it's something that needs to be investigated before we explore that room sharing idea. The exception was if your kids are old enough and mature enough to come tell you immediately (example = 12 year old and a 7 year old, or something like that).
• Give the typical kids a non-caregiving job to help out, like teaching new sister how to play with legos. It's a learned skill. 

There were so many great points made in this seminar, I can't recommend it enough if you have other kids in the house with you. I thought it would be mostly common sense stuff, but I definitely picked up some tips that I think will make the transition smoother. 

Adoption-Friendly Workplaces

So Ashley Hill (from our family of the week) and I are both adopting mamas who work outside the home. (I chose my words carefully, because I fully understand that stay-at-home moms have a very difficult job...and paid time off, or even a sick day, are just urban legend/luxuries.) But what a lot of people sometimes forget, or don’t know, is that adoption benefits in the workplace are very different than maternity benefits.

Many employers offer paid maternity leave for childbirth. And a growing number of employers are offering paid paternity leave, often giving fathers a week or more of paid leave beyond their paid vacation or sick time. But at most jobs, adding a child to one’s family through adoption doesn’t qualify for maternity leave or short-term disability. Unless your employer allows you to accrue PTO and carry it over to a new fiscal year, you’re facing a number of weeks or months of unpaid leave during and after the adoption process.

The Family Medical Leave Act enables adopting parents to take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave without fear of losing their jobs. But only companies who employ more than 50 employees for 20 weeks of a year must adhere to that policy.

Fortunately, many companies are beginning to offer adoption benefits for their employees. Some offer one to six weeks of paid leave for adoption. Others offer to reimburse employees for a portion of qualified adoption expenses in lieu of maternity leave (though these reimbursements may be taxed come tax season).  Some employers are doing both!



The Dave Thomas Foundation (yes, the Wendy’s Dave Thomas) is a great advocate for adoption and foster care. Their website includes a list of the best adoption-friendly workplaces, as well as a toolkit to help your employer understand the value of providing adoption benefits. The site has lots of other valuable resources, so check it out. Then, donate your $1, if you haven’t already, to make this adoption process a bit easier for the Hill family.

Unvitation

 Hey Folks,

First, let me apologize for weird spacing (or lack thereof). I have no idea what's up with the format today, but let's roll with it. I just wanted to share something that I've stumbled across. We've chatted about HIV on Give1 before, but I just wanted to touch base and have a look at someone else's story for a second. I know HIV can be a scary topic and at our age it's with good reason. I think we were brainwashed, you guys! Goodness, they scared us to death with all that back in 5th grade! But it's ok, we're getting wiser, and things have changed radically since then. There's been a huge increase in families willing to take on an HIV+ child. We're not sure if our child will be positive or not, but we've been educated enough to learn that it's something we can certainly handle if presented. If you happen to be one of those parents yourself, here's an example of a situation that may very well come up. This little girl was uninvited to a party because the parents of the birthday girl found out that she was positive and they were upset and scared. We are more educated because we're adopting from Africa, a place where HIV is an epidemic. Most people aren't. So we need to consider that the rest of the world doesn't know about advances in HIV because they don't need to. It's not like that here. We care more about eradicating lice. But we've got to remember to have compassion and understanding when people don't know what we know. But we don't want our babies hurt either. Yikes. A fine line. The social stigma is still there. The best thing we can do is spread truth.

IT IS NOT DANGEROUS TO INVITE HIV+ PEOPLE TO YOUR PARTY unless... you are having unprotected sex, sharing needles, giving birth, or breastfeeding! In that case, my 4 year old can't come to your party anyway! (Side note from Beth: that cracks me up)

 

^{Timothy 1:7} for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
⁸ Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God

So what do we do when people REFUSE to hear the TRUTH, and they instead choose to live in fear. I love these verses from the book of Timothy. It is no coincidence that Paul encourages us not to fear, and attaches that to shame and then suffering for the gospel.

 

We LOVE this family! We will continue to love them, and be Jesus to them the best we know how. We are saddened by their choice to reject the truth. But that is their choice, and I believe that is their loss! Because my daughter is AWESOME, and so is the rest of my family! {source of original blog post, which is totally worth reading in it's entirety}

This really has my wheels turning as it's honestly something many of us will encounter. I just came across this testimony from a beautiful HIV positive 14 year old. It's a miracle, really. Check it out.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRxDRzZxDbI]