Life In Color

Hey guys,

Check it out! I've found a life book that's not ugly! Seriously, that's big news. As I'm sure you've encountered, a baby book isn't really going to cut it for adopted kids. Though I certainly experienced cravings (for doro wot) and mood swings, the topics just aren't all the same. These books by Life in Color are cute and perfect for our little ones. The pages are also removable, so if for example, you don't know anything about Birth Mom, you can just take that page out. Really customizable. Here's a few sample pages.

Cute, right? You can get yours here. 

Resources for Adopting from Africa

 The last time I wrote a post on Give1, I was basically retiring my Give1 password. Well, I’m coming out of retirement to do a post or two while Beth prepares little guy to come home (soon, we hope!). 

Meanwhile, my adoption process is going just as slow as everyone else’s. So while I wait (and wait and wait), I have been looking for adoption resources to arm myself with information.

Here are some gems I’ve found:

Medical Information. Orphan Doctor is a website that discusses medical issues common with adoption. This page, in particular, discusses orphan medical care in Ethiopia. (Last updated in 2007, so it’s a bit old, but it’s something.)

Hair and Skin Care. Chocolate Hair Vanilla Care is a popular site, but just in case you haven’t visited it yet, bookmark it now! 

Here’s another great site with a post about a basic hair routine. This post is fabulous: http://amateurian.blogspot.com/2011/11/basic-black-hair-care.html

General Information. I know we all get tired of the required adoption education seminars our agencies make us take, but I really enjoyed the seminar “Adopting from African Countries” from Heart of the Matter Seminars.http://www.heartofthematterseminars.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=119&Itemid=102

My favorite book about adoption is There is No Me Without You by Melissa Fay Greene. It’s more of a story/historical account of this amazing woman who started caring for orphans in Ethiopia before adoption was common. Overall, it’s a beautiful—at times, heartbreaking—story. But I feel it’s great at depicting Ethiopian culture and situations orphans face. http://www.amazon.com/There-Is-No-Without-You/dp/1596912936/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1346299782&sr=8-1&keywords=there+is+no+me+without+you

Government Information. Here is a link to the State Department’s page for Ethiopian adoption information. Major government announcements regarding the adoption process get posted here as they occur.http://adoption.state.gov/country_information/country_specific_info.php?country-select=ethiopia

Here is also the link for the DRC State Department page: http://adoption.state.gov/country_information/country_specific_info.php?country-select=democratic_republic_of_congo

Please add your favorite adoption resources in the comments. 

Adoption Nutrition

You guys, I love a good find. How have I not found this before now? I don't know. But just in case you haven't come across this, run over to Adoption Nutrition and learn! 

I have learned about one million things since finding this site last week. You can learn about your child's birth country's eating habits, recipes, typical deficiencies and problems that you might run into. There's just too much to talk about here. So have fun, and try making some injera. 

The Great Birth Order Debate

Hey guys,

Today I want to chat a bit about birth order. Lots of people that read this blog are just now starting to embark on their adoption journey. Remember that? It was only a year ago for me. There are so many questions... How many? Which country? How old? What agency? Yikes. It's overwhelming making some of those decisions. Initially we just sort of felt our way around. We felt drawn to two older girls that we saw on someone's blog. When you see their faces and hear their stories it's so easy to try and find a way to give that child a home and that's what we wanted to do. Give two (almost) teenaged girls a home. And with the purest heart and best of intentions we set out to do that. We quickly discovered one million roadblocks. Besides many practical, logistical problems, once we were assigned a social worker she pointed out that that age was probably not a good fit for our family that already includes two little ones (3 and 6). We didn't care. She was adamant. That happens sometimes, and you have to find a way to agree and work together.

I want to tell you guys a little bit about what to expect in those first meetings with your social worker and some things to consider before you go in. Here is one rule of thumb: You do not break birth order. You adopt at least one year younger than your youngest. That's the rule. The main reason is that certain rights and treatments are given to children based on the order that they were born. Dethroning your oldest might upset the vibes in your house. And truly, this is the popular and accepted rule among authorities, some social workers being more stickler-ish than others about it.

But we all know that some rules are made to be broken. So let's explore that.

My problem with the rule is that older kids aren't being adopted. If you look on the waiting child list at your agency you will not find an infant or toddler on that list. There is a wait list a mile long for those kids (and I'm super glad for it). But my heart does bleed for the older ones. Meaning 4 and older. Our social worker strongly advised that we adopt a year younger than our youngest, which would put us in the 0-2 year old line. It's a very long line, and I was selfishly hoping to skip those years anyway (been there, done that, not a fan). So we've decided to stay younger than our oldest since he does value his place as oldest, but we're  not limiting ourselves to staying younger than Abby. There is a possibility of artificially twinning Abby, as well (another no-no), but we'll explore that topic in another post.

I'm feeling ok about breaking the rule because of an argument that I heard from a leading adoption specialist and counselor, Arleta James, in her presentation on Adoption Learning Partners webinar, Brothers and Sisters in Adoption. She had lots of interesting things to say on the subject of breaking birth order, and ultimately said that she didn't think that it was much of a big deal. Birth order is more fluid these days as families blend through marriage as well, so it's something that lots of families are going through. Also, she pointed out that rights and responsibilities, rewards and consequences should be given out based on maturity and not age. Not to mention that adopted kids may have younger emotional ages than chronological ages, so that sort of skews things to. I agree with all her points, so I'm cool with it.

We felt strongly that we wanted to adopt a child that might otherwise have a hard time finding a family. That's not true for everyone at all. I think God calls us all to be open to different scenarios. But today I just wanted to throw a few thoughts into the mix in case breaking birth order is an obstacle for you in adopting the child that you feel is on your heart. Just something to think about as you're making some of those early decisions.

Now, I'm totally not a fan of debates. Not my thing. You guys all know where I stand for my family, and every family is so unique, so there's no judgement from me in a different choice. But in the interest of fully informing our friends at the beginning stages of what to expect, let's share a little today. Really really nicely, because we're totally a snuggly family here. But I want to know... are you breaking birth order with your adoption? And why did you decide that?

Babycakes

Hey hey, everybody! Today is part infomercial and part educational... well, worth your time. I'm kind of wild about the Babycakes product line-up for a bunch of reasons. Ready?



1. They are created by one of our Give1 mamas, Chrissy Jensen, and I always love to support our little family. But this product is way more than a shout out because -
2. The products are all natural, nothing weird, carefully researched ingredients.
3. It's all designed to be absorbed into the skin, not sit all greasy on top of the skin.
4. Kids with sensory processing disorders or autism find the products to be tolerable since they aren't slimy in texture.
5. Can be used on boys or girls (or moms as night cream)
6. Prevent scarring.
7. Has even been used to effectively treat scalp ringworm if your child flat out refuses to take their oral medication. That's good info to keep in your back pocket, right?
8. They can be used by just about everyone. Chrissy is mom of twelve kids, with hair and skin covering the spectrum. She's seen it all. Babycakes is geared primarily towards ethnic skin and hair, though.


So let's get down to the educational bit. This post is a wealth of info coming straight from an interview with Chrissy where she answered all my totally dumb questions about how we might find this new hair and skin to be different, and still handle it's challenges confidently.

Before we talk style (that's a whole other blog), let's talk basics. Many of our children are coming from Ethiopia, as Chrissy's did, and her children's hair and curl patterns varied much between her kids born in the north and in the south. Wildly different. So no one thing is going to work for everyone. She emphasized that nothing is magic, not even the $45 bottle of fancy pants stuff. But generally, African hair is going to be very brittle and fragile and prone to breaking. When brushing, never brush dry. Let's say that again. Never brush dry. A little detangler or even some olive oil and water in a spritzer goes on first. Then brush gently from the ends to the roots.

Another bit of advice for you mamas heading to the pool. Their hair is like a sponge and will soak up whatever it touches first. You don't want that to be chlorine water or salt water. So get it wet first, even if you're using your water bottle! Also, consider using a swim cap if they'll go for it.

Chrissy's favorite products include:
Kinky Curly Knot Today for detangling
Tangle Teezer brush for short hair
Africa Sleeps sleep caps for sleeping, traveling long distances, and keeping in your purse for impromptu sandbox stops. Sand is also an enemy! She recommends gently using a vaccuum to suction out sand if you really need to.
And of course, Babycakes (mint) for moisture, and Honey Butter for styling. Just dab some on top of braids or twists to help hold in place.

Head on over and stock up for your little one. I just got a bottle of Clementine orange scented babycakes. Heavenly. Can't wait. Now I just need the kid...

So anyhow, thank you so much, Chrissy for chatting with me. Ladies, aim your questions at Chrissy in the comments section. She's a safe place to ask totally ignorant questions. She's been there too. :)

Brothers and Sisters in Adoption

Buenos dias, you guys. Remember when I told you I'd be taking a few webinars? Well, yesterday I took an awesome one that should become available to you today or tomorrow and I totally recommend you take it. It was about how typical brothers and sisters (meaning any well adjusted child in your home) can help with the adoption, how to cope with upsets, and what to expect as possibilities.

If you have a child older than 5 I'd suggest taking the class to listen to the whole hour. I took a few notes and here's some little tidbits that I took away with me. (*please remember that well adjusted, healthy kids exist in the adoption world, but they don't make great seminar material, so don't freak out too much at the scary possibilities. they are real, but they are only possibilities.)

• The biggie rule of the whole seminar is to MAKE TIME FOR EVERYONE. I know you don't have time. But your only job in life this year is to spend time with every member of your household every day, even if it's just for a few minutes. Nothing else matters. Soccer doesn't matter. Coffee with your girlfriend doesn't matter. Your blog doesn't matter. Some suggestions included taking a typical child out of school for half a day to go for ice cream. Or stagger bedtimes so that everyone gets a personal goodnight. We started implementing that one last night and my oldest loves it already. Bonus, he slept in an extra half hour today too. 

• Expect the adopted child to act younger than their chronological age. Neglect, trauma, institutionalization, and malnutrition play a part in stunting various bits of their growth. The teacher gave an example of an 8 year old with the coping skills of a 3 year old. You know how 3 year olds are kinda mean? Yeah, they are. Look at my little 3 year old. 

I know you'd never believe it by looking at her, but sometimes she throws fits. Wailing, hitting anything within arms reach, throwing toys across the room. Well, imagine an 8 year old doing that. So there were some ideas on how to protect the others during tantrums, like having a safe spot that they can play while the adopted child works out a tantrum. 

• Sharing rooms - believe me, this one was a little sad for me... She recommended (probably pretty wisely) that new kid doesn't need to share a room with the others for a while after they get home. I have total fantasies of the double girl room for Abs and her new sister. Visions of them jumping on their coordinating, but not matching beds... But, it's not suggested until we understand the nature and personality of the new child. Some are sexually active at shockingly young age (at no fault of their own, of course), but still it's something that needs to be investigated before we explore that room sharing idea. The exception was if your kids are old enough and mature enough to come tell you immediately (example = 12 year old and a 7 year old, or something like that).
• Give the typical kids a non-caregiving job to help out, like teaching new sister how to play with legos. It's a learned skill. 

There were so many great points made in this seminar, I can't recommend it enough if you have other kids in the house with you. I thought it would be mostly common sense stuff, but I definitely picked up some tips that I think will make the transition smoother. 

Fun Care Package Ideas

So, is it me, or have the referrals been coming in like crazy?! And so many traveling families. I love to see it. With all these referrals and traveling comes a super fun right of passage... the care package.

I've heard a few bits of advice regarding care packages. One is to not send something too expensive or special as it may be lost, stolen, or given away. I've heard that the older kids, especially, tend to give all their stuff to their friends before they leave. So that handmade quilt that I know you are dying to see your child with... you might want to wait for the bring home trip on that one. Here's a few ideas that I've come across. What are you/ will you/ did you/ would you send in a gallon sized bag?

{maybe some handmade felt dress up dolls}

{recordable story book}

{a sweet stuffed animal}

Your turn. What goes in the care package? Any wise words?

Unvitation

 Hey Folks,

First, let me apologize for weird spacing (or lack thereof). I have no idea what's up with the format today, but let's roll with it. I just wanted to share something that I've stumbled across. We've chatted about HIV on Give1 before, but I just wanted to touch base and have a look at someone else's story for a second. I know HIV can be a scary topic and at our age it's with good reason. I think we were brainwashed, you guys! Goodness, they scared us to death with all that back in 5th grade! But it's ok, we're getting wiser, and things have changed radically since then. There's been a huge increase in families willing to take on an HIV+ child. We're not sure if our child will be positive or not, but we've been educated enough to learn that it's something we can certainly handle if presented. If you happen to be one of those parents yourself, here's an example of a situation that may very well come up. This little girl was uninvited to a party because the parents of the birthday girl found out that she was positive and they were upset and scared. We are more educated because we're adopting from Africa, a place where HIV is an epidemic. Most people aren't. So we need to consider that the rest of the world doesn't know about advances in HIV because they don't need to. It's not like that here. We care more about eradicating lice. But we've got to remember to have compassion and understanding when people don't know what we know. But we don't want our babies hurt either. Yikes. A fine line. The social stigma is still there. The best thing we can do is spread truth.

IT IS NOT DANGEROUS TO INVITE HIV+ PEOPLE TO YOUR PARTY unless... you are having unprotected sex, sharing needles, giving birth, or breastfeeding! In that case, my 4 year old can't come to your party anyway! (Side note from Beth: that cracks me up)

 

^{Timothy 1:7} for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
⁸ Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God

So what do we do when people REFUSE to hear the TRUTH, and they instead choose to live in fear. I love these verses from the book of Timothy. It is no coincidence that Paul encourages us not to fear, and attaches that to shame and then suffering for the gospel.

 

We LOVE this family! We will continue to love them, and be Jesus to them the best we know how. We are saddened by their choice to reject the truth. But that is their choice, and I believe that is their loss! Because my daughter is AWESOME, and so is the rest of my family! {source of original blog post, which is totally worth reading in it's entirety}

This really has my wheels turning as it's honestly something many of us will encounter. I just came across this testimony from a beautiful HIV positive 14 year old. It's a miracle, really. Check it out.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRxDRzZxDbI]

Outdoor Sensory Stuff

Hey, you guys! We all know that all kids love sensory activities. Secretly we do too. Sensory activities help develop the brain as well as entertain the littles. Adopted kids often have some developmental delays due to lack of stimulation. Sensory fun helps repair some of the damage. And it'll free up a few minutes to switch the laundry over. Our newbie is not home yet (in fact we don't even know who he/she is yet), but I'm in serious nesting mode right now. Want to see what's on next week's agenda? Some outdoor sensory awesomeness. You can find all the plans for this whole project on Lowe's. We're doing the whole she-bang.