Hey guys! I'm so excited to share our guest blogger with you today, he's my husband, Justin! I've been begging him to write a guest post for a long time, something from a dads perspective, because let's be honest, our husbands probably took longer than we did to jump on the adoption train, and if you're like me, you've maybe thrown some new "twists" to your husband, some new plans perhaps? I've done that once, twice, several times to my husband. So, here's a little bit from the daddy's side...
Well after many attempts to get me to guest blog, Steph has finally talked me into it. When we first started on this road of adoption, I had many fears. My fears were way different than my wife’s though. Although I was excited about becoming a dad and bringing two boys home, fear has been the prominent feeling that I had in the beginning. While my wife was worrying about nursery plans, I was worried about where the money was going to come from to get him home. While my wife was talking about “attachment plans” with me, I was worrying about how I was going to connect with two children that not only didn’t have my DNA, but were also born in an entirely different part of the world. While my wife was dreaming of being a stay-at-home mom, I was worrying about how I would provide for my soon to be family of four.
Don’t get me wrong, I have always been beyond excited to become a dad, and I know that I will love my sons more than anything-but I had allowed fear to get in my way. I allowed the enemy to get in. I began to think about my relationship with Christ, He didn’t worry about how much it would cost Him to save my life, so I was I worrying? I am not “biologically” Christ’s son, but He adopted me as His own, we don’t share DNA, we probably don’t look alike at all, but He loves me unconditionally, so why was I worrying? If I am calling myself a follower of Christ, why was I worrying about providing for my family when HE is the provider? God was and IS bigger than all of my fears.
Now that we have been on this journey for a little over a year, my fear has turned into fighting. I can say the only fear that I have today is that tomorrow will be another day without my boys. I was talking to a co-worker and friend the other day and trying to explain my thoughts and the adoption paper chasing process. I asked her, if her son was in another state and all she needed was one signed piece of paper from a person in Sacramento what would she do? She responded with stand there until it was signed. This is totally the journey that God has taking me on during this process.
I am sure that I still have fears deep inside but they are masked by the fight. I don’t care how much it costs just get them here, I don’t care that we don’t share the same DNA I just want to hold them, I don’t care that I don’t know how I am going to provide for a family of four.